Celebration of life scheduled for 4:45am, February 18, 2026 at Hypocrite Hall in downtown Fayetteville. Hypocrite Hall owners ask to please mind quiet hours, as the Hall was only available for such small gatherings outside business hours.
BREAKING: Fayetteville man found dead in own home after shoving a stick too far up his ass. Unconfirmed reports believe it to be Buccaneers owner Craftykoala, who loved updating the team's page with every detail, even keeping a player Hall of Fame.
BREAKING: Bud Blackwell is currently facing backlash for threatening to tar and feather a local beat writer for the Fayetteville Buccaneers. The threat came from his official account after he forgot to switch to his burner. Honest mistake.
News headlines? You think Piss Jug Man is real? You think Jeff Passan is reporting on the health of a fictional character in a universe where everyone's first and last name starts with B? It's just jokes. Relax.